I feel like I can no longer identify as a woman

I believe that every trans woman is indeed a woman...except for me. I am incapable. I am a failure. I do not deserve to call myself a woman.

I can't voice train (I've tried everything...). I am older (37). I am conventionally ugly. I am non-passing. I can't afford a bunch of surgeries. HRT can only do so much magic.No one around me believes that I'm a woman...not deep down.

Everyone is so polite, they play along, but in reality everyone is very uncomfortable if not disgusted. Best friends, family, coworkers - they all see through the veil. I can tell by the way they look at me and how they quietly misgender me on accident.

I don't want to imagine the insult and anger that cis-women must feel at someone like me claiming womanhood. I will never be a woman.

I don't feel like I can continue identifying as a woman. I've failed that. I can only identify as a man who wishes he was a woman.

I am disgusting. I hate me so much. I wish I didn't exist.