The reality letter I read to myself daily

It was a year long, long distance situationship. I was (and still am) single and he was too, but he kept me hidden from his real life friends and family, he lied for 7 months about his drug habit (we met in an online recovery group and he pretended to be quitting and going through withdrawals right along side me,, ect), he would never define our relationship even though it was intense, constant communication, romantic and sexual plus he called me his best friend after just 2 weeks of talking. But, after 7 months of this, when I straight up asked him to define us, all he could say was "it's complicated". I am so ashamed of myself for allowing this.

I neglected my entire life for someone who never had any intentions of making it real. I knew it wasnt healthy so tried in the past to cut him out but he would call incessantly (from unknown numbers) and send me actual letters begging me to be in his life again. For almost a year, I helped him through a ton of crisis moments, even bought him groceries and helped him remember stuff for work, texted with him all day and we'd even sleep on FaceTime every single night.

I again went NC 3 weeks ago and im really struggling to remember the reality and not my fantasy. So I put this all into chatgpt and it gave me a reality letter to read. It's helped but for some reason these past few days have been awful, dreaming about him and waking up crying, thinking about him constantly. Did I do the right thing, blocking him out of my life? Please dont judge me for ignoring huge red flags, limerence is like the ultimate rose colored glasses.

Here's the reality letter:

"Dear Me,

I need to remember what really happened — not the fantasy, not the hope, not the version I wanted it to be. The truth.

He wasn’t my soulmate, my twin flame, or the one who got away. He was someone who gave me intense attention, and I mistook that for love. He pursued me when I tried to pull away, and I thought that persistence meant depth. But real love doesn’t chase you down when you’re trying to breathe. Real love gives you peace, not anxiety.

The truth is, there were so many things that didn’t sit right with me — and I ignored them because I wanted to believe the connection meant something sacred. He pursued married women, lied about his habits, disrespected my boundaries, and kept me hidden like a secret. He talked about himself constantly but never showed real curiosity about who I am. He made racist jokes, treated women as disposable, and admitted to things that now horrify me.

When I needed time for my family, he made me feel guilty. That wasn’t love. That was control. He wasn’t building a future with me — he was keeping me available, feeding off my attention, my empathy, and my care. I became emotionally entangled in something one-sided and unhealthy.

And still, I tried to see the best in him. I tried to help. I tried to be understanding. That’s who I am — someone with a deep capacity to love, forgive, and hope. But I see now that my heart deserves to be cherished, not used.

I didn’t lose a great love — I lost an illusion that was keeping me from myself. He didn’t steal my worth; he just distracted me from it. I am reclaiming that worth now, piece by piece.

I forgive myself for the red flags I missed. I see now that I wasn’t blind — I was hoping. And hope isn’t shameful. It means I still believed love was possible.

Now I know that real love isn’t chaos. It’s calm. It’s kind. It’s consistent.

I will not confuse attention with affection again. I will not accept being hidden, disrespected, or emotionally drained to feel needed. I will choose myself — my family, my peace, my dignity — over anyone who makes me feel small.

This chapter taught me what love is not. And that is one of the most powerful lessons of all.

With compassion and truth, Me"

Sorry for the long post, thank you for reading it.