I HATEE MY HAIIIRR!!

ok so i recently realized i may be either genredfluid or genderflux either way i usually wanna dress kinda nonbinary and the HUGGEE problem with that is my hair, its long but not super long right..? but i wanna cut it soo badly bc when i have those days when he him or they them are talking to me and i dress like those genders MY HAIR MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A GIRL very much so, to the point that no matter what im wearing i ALWAYS look fem. im still a minor so as u could guess my parents have some control over how i look like, happily like a year ago they became super chill with clothes and i can wear whatever but when it comes to hair I CANNOT CUT IT ESPECIALLY SHORTER THAN SHOULDER LENGTH which SOOOOO pains me especially when i see ppl with short hair that look how i wanna look. i know i can tie my long hair up or smth but its not the same plus its very stressful for me cause i get angry and give up when it doesnt go as i want it to for the 3rd time. and YES i know short hair is harder to style and in care but id prefer styling than hating the way i look ALMOST EVERYDAY. i know i could just cut it myself but im stressed it wont work and recently my grades have been going down so my parents im sure would yell at me and be suuper angry, not to mention prob call out how ugly i would look in them (they have done that before A LOT of times even to the point when i cried usually and or relapsed) [they usually tell me to dress for guys rather than for myself, which i didnt know was kinda toxic heh] srry just a rant bc its sooo frustrating likee raaaahhhhh let me beee and cut myyy haiirrr euueueeu