Can somebody help me to understand!?

Hi all, firstly i truly appreciate the response that i receive on this site every time i post a doubt! I am grateful for that! Thank u and a big hug!

Also, i apologise for the long questions but i really wanna know the answers hence i had to mention them all

My meditations practice:

I’ve been doing Botec and changing boxes for almost 6months now and carried on with Tuning into new potentials along the way ( 1 month)

My questions:

1. What if im able to connect with the void and stay focused , elevate my emotions, generate love and gratitude, behave my new self and remain that way outside of the meditation….. for a period of time and then im unable to maintain this due to situations, people, travel etc. but do not skip the meditations (consistently doing the meditations even though i can’t remain focused consistently)..

Will it still be rewarding or my past work where i am following everything, go in vain just because I wasn’t able to maintain that state for long… to simplify: I do the meditations for 6 months out of which i follow everything as said for 1 month and the next month due to situations, i am unable to remain focused or don’t enjoy the meditations or react to a situation etc. Will my work go in vain and ill have to start a new???

2. How do i enjoy these meditations? Like wanna enjoy every bit of these meditations forgetting about results. There are days when I really connect and feel good and i try keeping this state every time i do these meditations cos its life long now and i cannot be considering this as a task to be finished..

There are days when im travelling or have guests or during festivals, i do all the long meditations subsequently to sort of finish it for the day cos i know i wont be available later for these meditations.. Is this wrong? will this not work? Is it like m doing it just for the sake of completing it and not having a single day gap… every day cannot be the same .. trust me there are days when u literally have to struggle to make time for meditation and u feel burdened… what do i do to enjoy these meditations?

3. Botec was the first meditation that i started joe’s work with and now i dont feel like doing it cos i wana try different ones but i cannot give up on botec cos ive been consistent with it for 6months without a break.. can one change the meditations and leave one for another? Im not taking a gap but just breaking the consistency of one meditation is ok? Or should i continue.. but till when? Also at times time is the constraint and i feel like doing the shorter ones..

4. HOW CAN ONE STAY UNAFFECTED BY THE EXTERNAL SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE??? For example: My husband has long working hours and i stay alone until he’s home from work (on and off with my mother in law). When my husband comes home he’s into his phone and literally responds me looking at his phone screen! It pisses me off thinking that he’s not even looking at my face!

For a fact he’s very loyal to me but is addicted to his habbits.. i believed ill change this with my energy and not matter to matter cos i’d tried everything… i dont get aggressive for most the times but at times i loose my calm go in complete war with my husband.. later i feel guilty and bad for myself that all the work that i am doing has gone down the drain cos i behaved like my old self… but how much can i tolerate?? It’s like the more i dont react the more liberty he gets… will things ever change??

I deserve so much more and i dont wana be a victim. I wanna be the winner! I want a new life, a new me! I want everything that i ever wanted to be in life !! I want him to live the life with me and not in his phone and to acknowledge me and love me back… i wanna change the whole ball game! Is this possible? What will i have to do? How can i stay unaffected and in love and win this?