MixerGate 2025

I recently purchased a KitchenAid Mixer for a friend. She really enjoys baking and has wanted one for years. It was her three-year sobriety anniversary, and I thought she deserved something special. In the weeks leading up to this I had tried to casually try to figure out which color she would prefer and when I was unable to do so, I made the decision to choose one anyway, knowing that she could want to exchange for a different color.

While she has expressed some discomfort with receiving gifts (I do as well, I feel pressure to react a certain way), anything I have gifted in the past for birthdays or other occasions, she has used and enjoyed. I was able to present the gift as a surprise (I delivered it to her apartment door when she was at work), figuring that she could open it in private.

She expressed gratitude, she immediately registered the appliance, messaged her grandmother, etc. A couple of days later she decided she would like to exchange colors. Absolutely, this is an easy fix, I want her to have something she really likes. The new color is delivered, and the package is compromised (Seems like it had been opened). Again, easy fix, I’ll just exchange it.

 At this point, she gets upset and says that this is a sign it’s not meant to be and that she no longer wants the mixer. She says that she has been uncomfortable since she received it and wants it to be returned. She says that she did nothing to deserve it and goes on to say that the mixer in question is not one that she wants, she would prefer a refurbished one like the one her grandmother has. She says that if I don’t take the mixer back, she will store it in her closet and never open it again. That this has caused her immense stress and turmoil and that she has no interest in baking anything any time soon.

Many attempts to rationalize later, the mixer is being returned, and I can’t help but be upset about it. In her opinion, my attempts to rationalize and get her to reconsider are not respecting her boundaries, however, the gesture of returning it feels to me that I agree that she doesn’t deserve it, which is not how I feel.

AITAH?