Am i overreacting because of a small detail ?

TW: Some strong details (Will try my best to make it safe)

!I was Ruined when i was 15, it was cold, it was December i was freezing, i was young and stupid; i remember him taking advantage of me knowing i wouldn't tell anyone bc i was scared and terrified of causing trouble. i remember listening to his words: "I'll keep you warm" before he would start to hug me from behind and start ruining me.!<

okay but the point of this post is that, its almost winter and November is in two days, the cold already started, and everytime i go to work i dissociate and my persecutor / sexual starts to cry and begging everything to stop when all we did was step out, see the dark morning, and feel the cold breeze, me or the protector co host, we saw how aggressive he is and starts to get defensive towards everyone, it usually calms down in the next day before a few hours of repeating the cycle, it has happened like 4 times already. I know this sounds like a stupid excuse, but i can just hear him cry before going to work after stepping outside, meaning i start having a headache, sweat, or gag knowing hes close to take over and i don't like to cause trouble to the people im with and our system, for this stupid small detail memory. if theres like an easy way to get rid of it please i would like to know.

Incase anyone wants to know more about him:

he hates receiving hugs and he has hate towards black people, (My caretaker and i have been talking to him about how not every black person is like him, apparently he only has hate towards black men since our abuser was black, except two boys who have been helping us during out tough times.) He's r@cist, h0mophobic, misogynist and has this kind of wish to be a cult leader, like hes insane, (but his desires include him being with men so its confusing) so we usually have to keep on a look out when hes fronting, (usually only allow him when he's craving to eat something or wants to do something SAFE or he draws or writes). we usually do lose total control of him. i won't explain more but ill probably explain more about it if we ever want to talk about our experiences.

Sorry if my english sucks ass.