This life is endless

35m here, I recently went through a bunch of health scares recently that have taken a mental toll on me. I’ve always been a very paranoid person. I also have ADHD which has been the bane of my existence. For the past month I’ve thought of nothing but dying, I’ve even considered taking my own life but, I know that I can’t. I’m married with 2 children. I have the most wonderful wife and my kids adore me. Me imagining the reactions of my entire family if I were to attempt suicide is enough for me to not do it. It would also be horrible if I survived a suicide attempt and was damaged in a way where I wasn’t able to attempt it again. So, I’ll live on, wishing I could just pass on by some freak accident or sudden illness. Whats worse is that I have a good life and not much to complain about. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do things completely different or get a second chance at life and correct all my mistakes. Till then I’ll be praying for the day I can finally pass on