New family, having a hard time and suspecting abusive behavior

TLDR: I suspected abuse, that was confirmed and now I'm unsure how to proceed.

Hi fellow, nannies! I'm usually a lurker but I need your collective advice, now and finally made an account just for you!

Nanny Moms, your advice is also welcome. Some details are altered to maintain privacy. I have been working for a new family for about 2 months. I signed a contract through June of next year. When I interviewed they seemed like such a great fit, they actually offered me the job during the interview, but we went through with the normal process of background and reference checking. When they I first started immediately I am told that I won't be able to take walks with the NB (4 months) That sucks, I love taking walks, it's the best perk of the job imho. I saw on the maps app they have a nice playground nearby and I was looking forward to checking it out. You'd think this means they have a nice yard? NOPE--their yard is fully gravel and not the little gravels but big painful rocks. there is only a very small spot for us to be, literally 4ft by 4ft. OK, this is only a temp gig, I tell myself. I asked the reasoning. . . ND is worried the baby will be snatched.....like what do you think I do, stroll the baby to parking lot and walk away?? WTF. Ok I can live with this bc they are paying me really well. Well....now a couple of red flags are appearing regarding ND. the first 2 are that 1) his dog doesn't come to the door to greet him when he gets home--have you evern heard of that??? 2) The baby doesn't smile when he sees dad, he sort of side eyes him and sizes him up like he isn't sure what to expect--that's bizarre for a baby that little!!

They have 3 nanny cams, one in the bedroom, one on the playroom area and one on the tiny spot in the yard outside where we sit. One morning I came in and NM pulls me away from the camera, side eyeing it frequently obviously not wanting to be seen on it--HUGE RED FLAG. The previous day ND had come home right as I put the baby down for his last nap and he was fussing a bit before falling asleep. I told him I just put him down and to let him work it out bc he'll fall asleep in a minute. but He ignored me and went in and got him--which led to the baby not having that final nap and the next 2 days playing catch up on that lost sleep. Well, apparently he decided that I was being neglectful? the mom stood up for me (the dad does ZERO caregiving for the baby outside of watching while mom goes pee or makes a bottle) she explained to him that sometimes he fights falling asleep and it's best to just let him have a minute to work it out. Ok, seems like that situation was difused. Flashfoward to yesterday, this time she takes me outside the house completely away from the cameras. She tells me it was shown on camera that baby was crying for his bottle, one minute later I show up with his bottle and feed him--this is all on camera according to NM. he decided that this is unacceptable, that I must be neglecting him and I don't care about him...???? I'm a veteran nanny and I have had this kind of situation before so I was straight with NM, I told her babies cry, I need both hands to make a bottle--what is going to happen when he starts teething and he cries all day and I can barely comfort him bc that day is coming. What happens if baby gets sick and is miserable all day long? That happens with even the most sweet-natured babies.

I am not here to eliminate crying from the baby's life, I'm here to provide safety and care and expertise and I know that babies cry for all kinds of reasons and sometimes you still have to go make a bottle in the kitchen, or go to the bathroom, etc. I told her I've been through this with another anxious, controlling family and I ended up quitting bc I felt unsafe with all their unfounded accusations. yes, the camera proves I'm doing a good job but the constant need to defend myself from BS accusations is EXHAUSTING. I am CPR/First Aid certified, I passed a background check , they talked to my references AND I even got the fingerprint verification from the FBI, so I can work with kids in a school setting, I have given them absolutely ZERO reason to think I'm a criminal or bad at this and I don't deserve to have to prove myself as not a criminal over and over again every single day for no real reason other than their irrational anxiety. At this point NM starts crying, I'm like girlfriend, do you need a hug? she says if I hug her she will completely break down, she begs me not to leave and (NOT IN SO MANY WORDS) admitted that he dad is abusive, that they are going to counseling. She didn't go into too much detail, she said he has said and done things that are over the line unacceptable. She told me some of the things he has said to her and it crushed my heart, this poor woman--she is an excellent mother!!! I don't know how you could say this shit to the mother of your child--and one that is doing so much, she does everything!! I told her that she's a wonderful mother and doing an excellent job and doesn't deserve that treatment, that ultimately I'm just afraid of being fired unexpectedly, that I care about her and the baby so much, I don't want to walk away, either. She told me she hired me, she pays me and that he can't fire me so not to worry about how he's behaving. but how can I not?

The thing that really gets me is how the dad is super friendly to me to my face. But I know he hates me (not me personally, he will hate any caregiver they hire) and wants to fire me for anything he can think of. In fact last night, when I left he checked to see what I was drinking--it was sparkling water. But I'm certain he was thinking he could catch me drinking alcohol or something--I don't drink fyi as I have a sensitivity to alcohol that makes it intolerable--but that's a whole other thing. The reason he will hate every caregiver is bc he wants his wife to quit her career and be the sole caregiver. she has a kickass job, her dream job in fact, and she isn't going to risk losing it and I don't blame her one bit. This is a control issue thing that is typical of abuse, to me that's very clear. It's also clear to me I'm dealing with a narcissist in ND. The thing with narcs is they only show their bad side to those they know won't leave, since I only see him at the very end of the day for a couple minutes, I think I'm safe from his wrath. But, I've been in a relationship like this and it's giving me a lot of bad memories--in my case I left after 18 months but it haunted me for a long time--lots of nightmares. I know exactly what she's going through but with a baby added makes it 1000x worse. I am not certain is he's been physically violent with her, i think it's more of an explosive temper and threats--but I don't want to leave her in this environment with a rotating door of caregivers bc her husband keeps firing them or intimidating them--I've also seen that before in my embarrassingly long history of nannying.

I am casually looking for other families but I also don't want to leave her in the lurch so I'm only going for ones that are exactly what I want. The thing that sucks the most is my last family was so perfect. we had perfect trust, I was truly a member of their family and still am--I miss them so much but their kids grew up so what can you do?

I don't know, fam.....I feel really confused and stressed and I'm utterly exhausted at the end of the day. Thank you to any of you who took the time to read all of this. I really need to hear from other nannies and moms who have been through something like this, Nannying is so personal, I love this mom and this baby already and I want to protect them but at the same time that's not my job and it's up to her to leave .....you guys!! please give me some helpful words.

love to all of you hardworking moms and nannies and especially to those dads who value their wives and make their kids smile when they see them--you're the best kind!!