I love my brother

He’s 6 years older than me. We have the same mom but different dads. We were separated when we were small and met as adults. Him remembering me but me having zero recollection. Anyways. Once I turned 18 we began a sexual relationship. Oral, penetrative sex and sexting. Flash forward 4 years and we’re still at it. He’s selfish and into very extreme cnc and rough anal . Because he ONLY talks to me about sex I thought I’d drop him and I actually was over him a few times but then he’d kiss me or grope me everytime we’re alone (family gatherings,parties etc). He’s videoed me in my sleep (groping me) when I woke up shoved his cock in my mouth and I made him cum multiple times. I don’t know why but it reminds me I’m still wanted. Idk… I would be fine with a normal relationship but we never bonded in that sense and I always found him attractive. He finds me very annoying and talkative and seems to only like me when he’s horny. He’s very quiet and too himself unless he’s horny then you have his full attention. I always liked how aggressive he is. Hes the only one not afraid of hurting me because he doesn’t care. He tells me he loves me and would be with me if weren’t Yunno. He’s also into piss, (male ass eating), vomit blowjobs and more (things others kink shame about) were so alike. I’m always conflicted because I feel bad but also can’t explain how intoxicating he is or how wet he’s made me time after time