I love her, but my thoughts are getting darker and weirder

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about two years. We get along great, but we still haven’t had sex. A few months ago, I finally got the courage to show her my dick. It’s about 4 inches hard.

When she saw it, she kind of laughed. But in a super mean way, it still hurt. She didn’t say anything bad, just acted awkward after that. Since then, she hasn’t really wanted to do anything sexual with me, and it’s been messing with my head.

I got angry at first and started searching stuff online about small dicks. Somehow I ended up reading about cuckolding. At first, I thought it was weird, but then I started getting turned on by it. I don’t even know why. I’ve always thought of myself as straight, but now I find myself watching stuff and imagining her with big dick guys, forced bi cuckolding,

It’s confusing. I love her and want her to be happy, but I don’t really understand what’s going on with me anymore.