I can’t form meaningful relationships anymore and I’m terrified I’ll never belong anywhere

I used to be the most vibrant extrovert when I was younger, someone who was bright, energetic, definitely annoying but also communicative. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become so much more conscious of how I’m perceived that my personality traits have become less and less discernible. I’m not shy or socially anxious but I don’t know how to integrate myself into groups of new people because I’m terrified of being disliked immediately and I end up keeping myself so passive that no personality can be showcased (basically it’s not like I have trouble communicating moreso I have trouble being interesting lol) I’m terrified of social interaction where I have no idea of any of the people there nor of how they perceive me or what the best way to act and respond would be. I’m diplomatic and polite but I guess not friendly. Everyone around me is kept at an arms length and my closest friends are my childhood friends who knew me when I was younger, all of whom have at least slightly outgrown me in some way, because even my deepest relationships have become kinda shallow.

I hate being left out but as the years have gone by it’s something I’ve begun doing to myself, not because I enjoy it any more now or that I enjoy being lonely but because the alternative is intruding on a preexisting social dynamic that was perfectly fine without me, or awkward one-on-one interactions that I can’t handle because I don’t know how to be genuine. But my extroversion has never dissipated, I still earnestly love people and socialising and having meaningful connections, and everyday I wish I could go back to when I was younger and be a little brighter for one more day.

It just feels like everyone’s been friends with everyone for so long, and all that time I’ve been sitting on the hedge because I’m scared and don’t know how to go through the early stages of a friendship, and the longer I’m scared, the more time I could’ve spent forming those meaningful relationships. Idk man