Just realized my parents felt "exploited" by the basic duties of parenting -- anyone else experience this?

Perhaps totally obvious, but a pretty big breakthrough for me!

I realized it after my husband made kind of a mess in the kitchen making breakfast, and left it without cleaning it up. I asked him why he didn't clean up better, and he said he just didn't notice the mess.

I ended up cleaning it and got a little mad, thinking things like "Oh, you just didn't care, you don't think it's your job to clean up." The usual cliche marital argument stuff, where you calm down in a few minutes and forget.

And then I realized...THIS is how my parents always treated me! They acted like they were the put-upon spouses of some adult who had acted selfishly, not...parents to a small child.

Their reactions to everything I did was always the same as if a 40-year-old did it: if I made a mess and left it, if I didn't tell them some information our teachers wanted us to tell our parents, if I didn't understand something at school or at home.

The reaction would always just be that I was lazy and lying and selfish and didn't care, not that I was a kid and needed help, or that children aren't perfectly responsible and it's pretty age appropriate behavior (or that kids learn things when you explain it to them gently and repeatedly, not when you scream at them about it once).

My mom would constantly WAIL at me that I wasn't "helping" her enough...I was never really able to suss out what that meant to her. But I now think she meant it literally, the way you'd say that to a spouse who wasn't pulling their weight.

I did always know that my parents (dBPD witch mother and just immature, angry dad) felt like victims.

But I had never put it quite together...they literally felt that I, a LITTLE GIRL, was constantly victimizing them, through my totally age-appropriate little girl behavior. They literally felt like I was their spouse who was just being selfish and abandoning all my duties.

They used to humiliate me constantly for not knowing how to do things...and I now realize, they were acting the way you might roll your eyes at someone you work with who can't use the computer system at the office. They were truly, genuinely expecting me to somehow know how to do everything in the world (without teaching me); they had the expectations of me that you'd have of a coworker, not a kid.

My parents are not the brightest bulbs, so I guess I shouldn't be shocked that they thought parenting would be really easy, and were upset when it wasn't.

But I was still a little shocked to put it all together this way. It does make more sense of their more puzzling actions, but it also makes me really sad: these people genuinely did think I was the villain! They did not perceive me as the accidental victim of their pent-up anger or unprocessed PTSD or anything like that; they genuinely viewed themselves as normal people who had reached the end of their rope dealing with a selfish jerk.

I have a lifelong, almost debilitating anxiety around asking anyone but close friends for help — therapy has barely been able to touch it. And now, I guess I understand why.

Just curious if anyone else has grappled with or realized anything similar.