I’d Like To Return My Butt, Please

After several years of participation in the butt-having program, despite the fact that I never signed up for participation in the first place, I have experienced nothing but problems with the model I have been issued.

As such, I’d like to return my butt for a full refund. Please send me a proper shipping label and RMA immediately.

In addition, your faulty butt-unit has caused me significant physical and monetary harm. I’m afraid you will be hearing from my attorneys on this matter.