Suicide

I'm pretty much housebound and often bedridden now. Contemplate suicide almost every day. Family tell me to hang on in there.. that I'll recover, but it's hell on earth everyday. I'm suffering every minute. I've lost 40 pounds already and no end in sight. Burning nueropothy in my legs / body 24/7.Severe head pressure and tinnitus and this other brain noise like a siren. Throat and chest feel raw. Bowels are messed up. Have to take laxatives to go. Can only eat a couple of things because of food sensitivities. If I try to eat anything else the nueropothy gets 10x worse. My skin is all crepey all over. It just dried up. The head stuff is absolutely the worst. I can't function. It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm laying here in bed and told myself that's it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I can't do another day. I'm not sure how I'll do it. My husband hid his guns. Nothing is easy but I'll find a way. I don't see me recovering a 3rd time. I honestly don't. My floxing in 2010 was bad the first time. I mean bedridden bad and I recovered. The 2014 relapse was brutal. 14 months of everything neurological . I could never have imagined such shit in my wildest dreams but I recovered.
I think this time though I'm just worn down , older and just don't have the will anymore to keep going. I cant imagine doing more months of this just hoping itll get better.I honestly cannot do this anymore. Every second is excruciatingly painful. I can't do it. I wont do it.I wake up every day and nothing has changed. Going into month 5. I plan my demise constantly and I'm ok with it now. I'm really ok with it. I don't want to be here anymore. I won't be here anymore.