if (I pretend) and (he persists) then love = stable.emulation

Is that it?

I woke up early today. Long before he woke up. I made my coffee. I pushed 20mg dexamphetamine into myself. I also uncapped a 50mg lysine-bound dex capsule and dropped the granules into my drink.

I don't/didn't feel good. It's always like this. Is our love just a mutual illusion? Was it ever real? It must've been real if the absence hurts me so much. Does it hurt him though? It doesn't seem to.... so what does that mean?

merge.request()

denied: incompatible realities

I wake with these thoughts. Always some variation of these thoughts.

I left for work around 4am. I don't really want to be here.