How do we relax? Does therapy help?

When I retear its usually because I can tell my body is confused. It wants to push everything out as quickly as possibme while the sphincters want to close up before everything's out.

I dilate. I do the breathing and posturing and visualizing. I know not to strain, but my body does it automatically and every time I "tell" it to relax, it relaxes for 2 seconds before tightening up again. And there are mornings when no matter how hard I try to tell my muscles to stop pushing and clenching they push and clench at the same time and I retear.

How do I relearn how to pass stool? I used to be able to just go. These fissures started when I got into some complex family trauma. Has anyone who suspected it was all psychological go to therapy and see their fissures go down/away?