AIO for blowing up at my so-called friend who has chosen to invite someone to a gathering where I do not want to be in the same room as? This is a situation I feel, like you wouldn’t believe it to be honest. I don’t know how I haven’t been locked up in one of two institutions. Context –

I am asking this because although I think I’m right, my friends’ replies have left me wondering. This is going to be long, so grab a cuppa.

I won’t include everything, but I will the important bits. 6 years ago, my SO (47M) developed psychosis. He literally changed in the blink of an eye and neither of us knew what was happening due to no previous experience. When I say he went off the rails, he went OFF the rails.

I had noticed drinking becoming more frequent but, due to him shutting down, I literally had to find out for myself the other things that were going on (I had a gut feeling). I found out he was taking drugs with encouragement from a male work colleague, and a female work colleague (Tramp, 42F) had made a move on him (totally her starting it, I’ve the texts). What grinds my gears is that she knew he was married ‘but didn’t know how to approach him’. Because SO was all over the show, Tramp started messaging me, telling ME to tell my SO to stop lying to her, she ‘knew’ he was with me etc. I’d call her choice names and block her. Tramp would then make new accounts to message me on different platforms, sometimes pretending to be someone else. This went on for a year. I’d kicked him out and I got the police involved. Although they cautioned her, they told me to not frequent anywhere I knew she would be (I was worried about her seeing me in person).

There are messages saying to blame her, not my SO, she also sent messages to friends and family on socials, I was mortified. As far as I am aware, Tramp never knew he wasn’t well.

Last year, she started dating an old ex (Brian, 52m) who I had always stayed friends with. I am also friends with his ex and his ex-GF after me. His last relationship was a devastating mess with him being to blame. I asked Brian what he was playing at dating Tramp after everything she had done to me and pain she caused me and that she was unhinged. (Brian saw the destruction of my relationship) He replied that she had not shown any warning signs, and she seemed nice. I told him our friendship was over and blocked him. This resulted in her messaging me telling me to leave Brian alone and that I should be ‘over’ what happened with my SO. I didn’t reply. I’ve literally been a hermit not showing up to social events because Brian is in my friend circle and most of them don’t get involved in the drama of others.

Some of my friend circle is part of a club that I’ve been in for about 15 years and a friend Alex, (59M) decided to organise a Christmas meal. I briefly explained the situation to Alex in case Brian was going and taking Tramp, but I left a lot of contexts out and Alex said to me (via text) that if she goes with Brian, then the table will be big enough to sit at either end, and he ‘hopes I reconsider dropping out’. I said he can’t expect me to be in the same room as her (again, I know she won’t be able to resist not saying something to me). I said I feel like she’s muscling in on my friends’ social circle and she’s not a part of the club. Alex said he knows what’s gone on is very personal and doesn’t want to get involved, he would like me there but respects my decision not to go. I retaliated with what would have been respected is my friend (Alex) having my back and not entertain someone who has caused me great harm/distress. I then said it was fine, let her go instead of me. Alex then asked if I was really going to end my friendship with everyone going to the meal. Alex said I had to consider why no one else is opting out of the curry night because she’s going that I was asking people to choose between myself and Brian and it wasn’t fair. I had already said I would go if it was just Brian going. I said I haven’t discussed this with everyone so not everyone knew, and I wouldn’t hold it against them for speaking to Tramp without knowing the issue I have with her.

I’ve told him to forget it and have a happy night. Alex didn’t reply and since confirmed the numbers on the chat group minus me but including her.

Am I wrong for getting my knickers in a twist about this? This woman is like a parasite and much more has happened than I can write. It’s taken YEARS of therapy to get where I am today, and I still have days where I wonder if I will survive prison life. (I won’t).

To add: My SO went cold turkey, went to therapy of different kinds and we got to the bottom of how the Psychosis happened and aside cola and chocolate, he hasn’t had an addictive substance in his body for 5 years. If he hadn’t of had a mental disorder, I would not have worked with him and eventually taken him back. I’ve left people for lesser situations, but I love him dearly and love going home to him. He’s been fine since his treatment 5 years ago. (not saying it will never happen again but, we have things in place to reduce the likelihood).