My POS dad secretly gave $10k to relatives in China without telling my mom, got caught, and now refuses to apologize or admit he was wrong

Note: I understand this post is written with AI assistance - typing this whole situation out to AI is just me trying to get it out of my system. The situation is real, the frustration is real, and I just need to vent.

I need to vent because I feel like I'm losing my mind watching this unfold.

Background: My parents run a family restaurant together. My mom works her ass off every day. We're not rich - every dollar matters. I'm still living at home and hate every minute of it because of my dad.

What happened: In late October, we found out my dad gave $10,000 to a relative in China to help them buy a house. This relative is NOT broke - they could afford it themselves. My dad just wanted to look rich and generous. The kicker? He never told my mom or me. We only found out because the relative got into some fight and offered to return the money. That's when my dad finally confessed.

My mom was understandably furious. They're business partners AND married - how do you give away $10k without consulting your spouse? But my dad showed zero remorse. Not only did he not apologize, he had the gall to get pissed and YELL at my mom for being upset. Instead of taking any accountability, he tried to brush it under the rug and started calling other relatives to make himself look right.

It gets worse: Now he wants to use that $10k (if we even get it back) to renovate ANOTHER relative's house. Not our house - someone else's. He offered to pay most of the renovation costs because, again, he needs to look generous and maintain "face."

Today's bullshit: My parents got into another huge fight about this. My dad tried to justify himself by claiming my mom did the same thing once - that she lent my aunt $5,000 without asking him. Complete lie.

My mom called my aunt RIGHT THERE to verify. My aunt confirmed that she went through my DAD first to ask, and he approved it. So we had a witness, on the phone, directly contradicting his story.

Did my dad admit he was wrong? Nope. He DOUBLED DOWN. Said he was right and got mad at my mom instead.

The cultural aspect: We're Chinese living in the US. My dad is obsessed with appearing wealthy to relatives back in China. He'd rather give away money we need than lose face. Meanwhile, my mom - who actually earns this money - just has to grit her teeth and take it.

Why my mom can't leave: They own the restaurant together. If they separate, the financial situation would be devastating for both of them. She's trapped. And she's scared that when I eventually cut my dad out of my life (which I fully plan to do), he'll take it out on her.

What I did: I documented everything and wrote a letter to send to one or two relatives I trust - just so my dad can't completely control the narrative and make my mom look like the bad guy. The letter basically says "take what my dad says with a grain of salt, he's proven he'll lie even when confronted with evidence, please don't enable him."

I hate living like this. I hate watching my mom work so hard while this man disrespects her and gives away money to relatives who don't even need it. I hate that he lies and manipulates and faces zero consequences. I hate that all finances are in cash so there's no paper trail or way to protect anything. And I hate that I'm stuck here until I can become financially independent.

Anyone else deal with this kind of thing? The pride, the lying, the total inability to admit fault even when proven wrong? How do you cope when you're stuck living with someone like this?

TL;DR: Dad gave away $10k without telling mom, plans to spend it on another relative's house renovation, lied about mom doing the same thing, got directly contradicted by a witness, still refuses to admit he's wrong AND yelled at my mom for being upset. Mom and I are stuck because of the family business. I'm documenting everything and planning to cut him off once I'm independent.