I wish I was a transfem nonbinary

I wish I was a transfem nonbinary. All of my physical issues would be solved if I was amab. I don’t actually associate myself with man or woman. I hate being referred as either. But I love being feminine myself, but I hate my feminine presenting body. I wish I had different body parts, I wish I didn’t have puberty issues growing up like I did, I still have physical issues because I am afab. I feel like I would be prettier if I was amab but feminine presenting. Idk if any one can relate.