I think I have mentally blocked out historic abuse. Starting to remember. Don't know what to do.

I have long suspected that I was abused as a small child (under 8). The environment I grew up in was the kind you'd imagine something like that could happen and not get noticed. I have a vague but 100% real memory of pain and pressure in my bum, from that time. I can't remember details. I do remember sexually experimenting but with things and ideas that would have been impossible without outside/third party influence, and yet for some reason I can't recall who or how these things came to me. I struggled with my toilet habits. I was intensely anxious. I felt anxiety going to my room every night.

I have a twin sister, and lots of older siblings, but none have the issues I have as an adult - I find potential partners initially disgusting and struggle for months to get past it, until eventually normalcy settles in and I become 'used' to them. I also struggle to feel pleasure during sex. I also, unfortunately, seem to have issues with my lower bowls, and am now as an adult having bleeding from my rectum and odd things going on around there.

I recently, for the first time, recalled witnessing a man ejaculating when I was very young. I don't know who it was, but this is around the same time I remember having the pressure/pain in my backside. I also remember seeing my father naked, and distinctly recall feeling like I shouldn't be seeing him like that (possibly because of my history of abuse and association of nakedness to badness - but it could also be because of my father. I don't like to consider that possibility).

I don't know what to do, or how to feel. I'm wondering if anything else has felt this way or dealt with something similar?