Feeling suicidal and have planned out that I’m done

I’m (21M) not feeling well. I recently came to the realisation that my ex SA’ed me and there was genuine sexual abuse in the relationship. That alone isn’t making me want to kill myself, I’m a victim of DV, verbal abuse, I’ve been in abusive relationships and I’ve watched my older sibling try to kill themselves on multiple occasions. I feel like I’ve had 22 years of bad luck and I’ve reached out to friends and family and told them how I’m feeling but today I don’t want to do that. I just want things to end. I’ve decided that I’m gonna try and hangout with a friend tonight and basically say my goodbyes, then after my parents fall asleep I am going to off myself. I feel like I deserve better but better never comes for me, I’ve had 22 years of trauma and I feel like the only escape now is to end it all. I think I’m done. I’ve never self-harmed until today. I think I’m ready for the next step, everyday is a losing battle and no day is looking good for me.