My first super tight cuddle and kiss on the lips was with my elder female cousin

I am a Chinese Vietnamese guy who was born in Belgium and grew up in Belgium.

I have always felt sexually attracted to thicc sexy blonde Western girls with big boobs.

The first girl that I found sexually attractive was the American actress Pamela Anderson from the American television series "Baywatch".

Nearly all the girls that I feel sexually attractive are thicc sexy blonde Western girls with big boobs with only very few thicc sexy Asian girls with big boobs that I found sexually attractive.

Since the divorce of my parents, I was always afraid that having a romantic relationship will lead to a separation.

I don't have a sister and I have always wanted to have a big sister who would be intimate with as it is the closest thing to a pure forever unconditional love without seperation for me which nearly became "true" when I went to Vietnam during the Summer of 2009.

My mom and I slept on the ground in the sleeping room of one my elder female cousin who is older than me.

My female cousin who is 5 years old than me was studying in a Vietnamese university to become a doctor. My elder female cousin doesn't have a brother nor a sister but she had a boyfriend back then.

I was watching the television on the bed of my elder female cousin and my mom said that I had to turn the television off and go on the ground to sleep.

My elder female cousin said that I could sleep with her.

I said that we can't sleep together as she has already a boyfriend while a part of me really wanted to sleep with her but the other part in me took over and said no.

And she asked my mother multiple times why I cannot sleep with her (my female elder cousin).

A few weeks after, we went on a family trip.

My elder female cousin touched me multiple times for the fun or she layed her head on my shoulder when we were eating breakfast. She once bited me around my neck or shoulder for fun when we were swimming in the sea. We trew water against each other at sea.

I was not used to touching girls before so I felt a bit uncomfortable at the beginning.

After our trip, I layed on her bed in her sleeping room to watch television and closed my eyes while my elder female cousin was fondling my hair and face without me having to ash her.

At this point, the part that wanted to sleep with her took over the part that would say no.

My mom asked her if I could sleep on her bed and my elder female cousin said yes.

During the night, I felt cold because my body doesn't support air conditionning.

I asked her If I could cuddle her because I felt cold due to the air conditionning.

The second reason that also wanted to cuddle her was because I had never cuddled a girl before and was curious to know how it feels to cuddle a girl.

A third reason is that I was not sure if she was okay with it but after all the touchings that she iniatied on me for the fun, I though that maybe she feel okay with me and I felt bad to not have sleeped with her earlier when she asked my mom why I cannot sleep with her multiple times as I am using her sleeping room without giving her something in return, I thought that maybe she wanted me to cuddle her.

My elder female cousin didn't say a word and cuddled me after I asked her to cuddle me.

As soon as my arms and her arms where cuddling, she tighten her hug then fondled my back. It felt so good.

Each time I wanted to loose my arms, she tighted me more. It was a super tight cuddle. It hurt but I felt so good at the same time as I felt loved. As It felt good for me, I thought that I would feel good for her If I did the same thing for her. So I copied her moves and did the same that she did on me on her. She fondled my hair and I fondled her hair. I stroke her arm. I hold her hand with my hand. I kissed her forehead and her cheeks. She put her leg between my legs. She also changed position by putting her belly on my belly. It felt really good.

It was the most intimate hugs, cuddles, fondling that I had ever had. It was a completely different sensation than the loose simple hugs that my dad and mom gave me when I was sleeping in the same bed as them.

Feeling the breath and smelling the sweet scent of my elder female cousin felt so good.

We slept together snuggling each other for the remaining days.

Each time, I woke up, I felt an amazing sensation in my body which is hard to describe.

It was the first time that I was attracted to an Asian girl.

She nearly has no boobs like most female Asian girls and didn't have a sexy face but she had normal body with a cute face.

My female elder cousin acts like a child.

One of my white bisexual girl acquaintance said that my elder female cousin looked super delicious and is a 10/10 and thought that she was an actress. My elder female cousin has a normal weight. I am 1m72 of height with a normal weight and elder female cousin is only a few cm shorter than me.

Up to my travel to Vietnam during the Summer of 2009, the only girls that I found attractive where thicc sexy blonde Western girls with big boobs like Pamela Anderson.

We never had sex due especially to the presence of my mom on the ground of her sleeping room so I never dared to but It was the first time that I wanted to have sex with a girl with no boobs.

On the last night, I kissed her lips without tongue when she was sleeping. It felt good to kiss her lips. The sensation was soft. I enjoyed it. She was doing noises like hummm which might means that she didn't want that I kiss her ? I am not sure. But she still cuddled me.

I kissed her lips because I was curious to know how it feels to kiss the lips of a girl and also because I like her.

I never had a girlfriend.

7 years later, during the Summer of 2016, I went back to Vietnam and slept in her bed alone which is a terrible feeling.

My mom joked that I could smell the odor of elder female cousin in her room.

I think that my mom knows that I like my elder female cousin.

I could only meet for a few hours my elder female cousin who was now a doctor.

When I saw her, she immediately hugged my tightly in front of her husband and other members of my family.

I don't feel comfortable to cuddle, hold hands, put the head on the shoulder in front of other people.

Even as she was a doctor at this point, she still acted like a child with me.

As her husband was there, we didn't sleep in the same room.

Now she has a son still with the same boyfriend who became her husband.

Since the Summer of 2009, I have not got "a big sister hug" which I miss.

In 2019, I bought my first love doll as I missed cuddles but the cuddles don't feel as good as with my elder female cousin.

I had sex with a love doll without condom but I have never experienced sex with a girl in flesh and meat without condom so I am still a virgin.