I (20F) need help leaving my bf (21M), how can I do that?

So I’ve been having a rough time, he was disloyal to me (if you want specifics I posted the entire story a few months ago). And there’s been occasions where he’s openly told me that he wants to break up, that I should break up with him, but he never really leaves, and then treats me amazingly after, which keeps me in this painful push-pull loop. He’s even openly told me before he’s unsure of me, and since I’m his first girlfriend he wants to see other people “to be sure of me”. That’s ridiculous I know. He’s said like “Wouldn’t you like to know I’m sure of you?” Like this guy wants me to sit and wait around while he talks to others to “be sure of me”. Mind you we’re not casually dating, we spoke about marriage and everything. We’ve been together 1 year and a few months. I told him how ridiculous that is and that I won’t sit around being his safety net. Last night I got so upset I started screaming at the top of my lungs, I was pouring my heart out to him about my pain from the whole disloyalty situation, we were on video call and he was off screen. After a while of me crying and pouring my heart out he says “Are you done? I wasn’t listening to anything you were saying”. And now today he’s “unsure of me” and wants to “take a break” to “figure himself out”. I kept asking him is it to see other people and he said he doesn’t want anyone else. Eventually I got him to admit he wants to see other people “to be sure of me”. He’s acting as if I should be grateful that he’s doing this to be sure of me.

I’m ashamed to say I’m struggling to leave. I don’t know what’s keeping me here, the push pull, my love for him, my anxious attachment, or do I really not have any self respect? He’s been like my best friend and we’ve done so many things together. He took my v-card too. I just need advice on how to do it. Do I just block him with no explanation? He’ll probably call me childish if I do that. I need someone to tell me I’ll be okay if I do this, that I’m doing the right thing, and how to go about it, and how to go about the pain and fear I’ll feel after. I live alone, and I’m in a really bad spot where I can’t just sit and be sad or go out to feel better because I have a lot of briefs due soon for college, which is going to be extremely difficult to get through with a broken heart.