AITA for shooting down the idea of staying friends my ex who dumped me

I (26F) dated a guy (29M) for about 2 years. It was intense and serious - we’d talked about marriage, met each other’s families, travelled a lot, shared a strong emotional and physical connection. He was witty, intelligent, patient, and on most days genuinely loving. He’d cook for me, send flowers, fight for us when things got rough, and tell me he couldn’t imagine his life without me.

But underneath that, there were a lot of red flags that I kept ignoring because I thought they were outweighed by the all the positives

He smoked weed 3–4 times a week and promised he’d quit or cut down when we got serious - that barely happened. He had a body count of 20–25+ and several “close friends” who were old flings. He hung out with few of them in groups and said, “I can’t cut them off, they’re my school best friends.” He’d reassure me constantly that nothing was going on. He made me meet them but my gut never felt at peace He’d joke about open relationships or “how marriages get boring after 15 years.” He’d break promises easily, and sometimes take me for granted. But as soon as the guilt would hit him, he’d become overly affectionate. He always claimed he wanted stability and a future

By the end, I started feeling anxious and unsettled - not because I was clingy, but because some of this made me question reality. I lost my calm, overthought, and found myself begging for reassurance over and over again

When we broke up, he said, “We’re just different people. You’re unhappy, and that’s making me unhappy.” We both cried but he initiated it. Said maybe after some time apart, we could talk again. He said that he’ll always end up comparing every girl he meets to me and how no one can match up to that in a very vulnerable manner.

Two months later, when we met, he casually told me he had already made out with someone and said, “It means nothing, just physical.” He wanted to “stay friends” and said he was grieving too. I was devastated and walked away. He reached out again trying to stay friends “because we’ve always had such a positive impact in other’s lives, at least till we find someone else we can continue being friends with.” I shot the idea down immediately and he sort of felt dejected citing how he’s in pain too and has to live with this decision of break up. He tried to make me feel guilty about my reaction. I maintained my boundaries regardless.

Now I’m stuck between grief and relief — part of me still misses him, part of me knows I ignored every red flag. Because the good days were really really good

I keep wondering: • Was he toxic, or just emotionally immature or I drove him to that? • Do guys like this ever realize what they’ve lost?

I’m scared of the unknown - who will come next, whether I’ll ever have the same connection again.

Any advice or perspective from people who’ve been here would really help.