I'm pained 😭

Good afternoon, first of all wantam. Now guys I hear me out and advice me.Since I was in highschool I have been providing for myself and actually I have both parents.So there's this time when I was in form 2 I got sick . Mimi I decided because naeda kuuza maziwa let me buy medicine with it .My father told me nirudishe dawa nimletee pesa. Since then I have always been cautious about money especially za dawa.Guys I have been unwell and I needed 460 za dawa.

Here is where the pain comes my alcoholic father has rentals ,tea , ovacados and milk.I went ahead to use his balance to buy the meds I needed .I have come and told him I will refund his money Sasa he's all over throwing harsh words .You know whats crazy si ati Hana pesa he has and actually he sold a cow yesterday and as usual came drunk.

My siblings and I have since time immemorial learnt to do thing on our own.Now am here being told ati anga oooh don't swear that you will never come through for him.Likeeee ?????as am typing this am tearing. Now if I make such a decision of not coming through for him is it bad?