I wanna ride the sewer slide

All i can think about lately is leaving my sobriety house, getting a hotel room with the last of my money, and abusing the fuck out of any and all drugs until i keel over dead or choke on my vomit or anything else. I’m tired of trying to move forward in life. i only ever get support sober. i don’t even do hard drugs but im about to. i just wanna live how i want. let me smoke my weed and work a dead end job in peace without me otherwise going homeless