self loathing

i realised that i’m a horrible person. all i’ve ever done is hurting my loved ones. it’s heartbreaking- i’ve turned into someone i would hate. no matter how hard i try, somehow i end up being the cause of their suffering. i often find myself wishing something bad happens to me just to feel a little better. the guilt is unbearable sometimes. i’m so pathetic. i just can’t keep people. i’m an awful human being. goddd i would never want anyone to get close, never