My ex M33 wants to try fix relationship while broken up (wont commit to relationship) with me F38, while still living together.

My partner of 2 years broke up with me over a month ago, but the last few weeks we have been trying to figure out if we can make it work. We still live together, and recently started sleeping together also. We basically do everything a couple do, but he wants to see if he can be safe in the relationship before comitting to it again. His safe is no arguments, no demands from me, if we are having a conversation and hes uncomfortable, he wants to be able to just walk out to cool down. Im all for pausing arguments, and have told him so multiple times, but i need that theres an agreement to return to the conversation once we have cooled down, as his normal behavior is to end the conversation, and expect us to not continue talking. Im anxious and have previously been chasing him to keep talking, and no matter when i bring it up he will aleays blame me ig hes not ready so i started saytibg «then you need to be the one to initiate the conversation again so i dont have to chase you», he says this is controlling of me, he does not want to be pressured to talk if he doesent want to (which he never really does). He have been better at being willing to work things out lately, but the last year, everytime he gets really upset he brings up breaking up, or breaks up for a week or two before returning (all while still living together as its not possible to find a new apartment in my city on that shirt notice).

Theres no option to kick him out and then try to see what happens as I have kids and dont want to add confusion to their lives.

I need consistent care and love, he says thats to much cause he cant always be in a good mood and cant always be controlled to give me exactly what i want.

I want to give the relationship one last chance, as i truly do love him and also understand his fears and how the lack of nervous system regulation affect brhavior. I have ptsd Ive been working through myselft, aswell as ancious attachment which have made me act out a lot aswell, so while i know his behavour is immature, i have been immature aswell in our relationship and am working on improving.

He wants us to work things out, all while not be willing to give me the safety of knowing he wants to be in a relationship with me. So more of a «friends with benefits» type of situasjon, while I have to prove that I wont do any of my anxious chasing behavior, while he is doing all of his avoidant distancing behavior and not taking my needs into consideration.

I gave him a list of my needs in a discussion:

• i need commitment
• Consistent love and affection
• To be able to share my feelings without it being seen as an attack
• Etc

And his response was «its never gonna work if you give me demands»

I need an ousidde perspective to things, specially from other avoidants, thoughts about how to move forwards from here?