My people pleasing personality is the reason I’m still alive

I recently caught myself thinking about what it would be like if I were no longer alive. The thought scared me, but I realized that it only scared me because of what my family would think of it. I feel so disconnected from this life and what I was supposed to ‘make of it’… The idea of not having to deal with it gets more and more tempting each day. The strangling feeling of even your closest family and friends not understanding what you’re truly going through is so tiring. But the intense strong love and accountability I feel towards my parents and siblings is what keeps me here. Being a people pleaser has completely drained me and made me burnt out and depressed. Ironically it has so much control over me that its also the thing that keeps me here…