Talked about my assault publicly at a guest speaking

I was invited to talk at an event being held for disability and bullying.

The theme was something specific to me so I was told there would be a few hundred people. I think there was about 90 at peak that generally petered off.

I was on Microsoft teams . I turned my camera on and I ignored the cameras and spoke to my desk top

I wrote out a script and then talked. I did not do graphic detail as I did not want to trigger my self.

I had several events of major trauma and talked about how I recovered from each and eventually became someone who excelled in a certain field.

I talked to my desktop. It was good. At the end there was silence except for one question. I was told someone started crying and left the room but generally the talk was good. I did not mean to trigger someone and that was my concern that I may because my story was described for many years as "horrific" and the talk of the town for 15 years.

When im in front of someone my voice goes silent when I try to speak. But for some reason it felt like I was alone in my office talking to myself because I turned off the ability to see other cameras by flipping the tab.

I am heavily medicated but do have a slight irrational anxiety that maybe my assailants are out there and will see im talking publicly about what they did to me 25 years ago.

I have some fear they will try to find me or contact me or threaten me.. the medication makes it a little easier. I know that anxiety is inside me but I cannot reach it.

There was a part in my talk I alluded to what specifically happened but my throat went dry and no air came out.. so I modified it slightly and went with assault with a weapon.

In reality the real story is far more graphic ans traumatic and far far more evil. I felt a bit bad about fibbing but I just could not get there.. but my eyes started watering and my voice faltered. I alluded to what happened after: the feelings of feeling unclean and feeling like stuff was unable to be made clean.. and how it still have permanent pelvic nerve damage that took away my ability to have sex. I talked about changes to masculinity and how that changed me as a person.

I just wanted to share.

Tldr: This was my first time going public out of therapy about my story. I feel good i managed to try to talk about it but did not name the specifics. I have some anxiety it may blowback on me but for the most part am proud I finally broke my silence after 25 y.