💔 Need Advice: Leaving an Emotionally Abusive Husband in Iowa

I could really use some advice on how to move forward safely and smartly. I’m ready to get divorced, but I’m not sure of the best steps to take.

My husband has been emotionally and financially abusive for years. He drinks heavily and often destroys objects when angry. He recently bought a handgun without telling me first, and while I don’t think he’d use it on me, it makes me extremely uneasy knowing it’s there.

He’s a narcissist, and I can’t have a normal conversation with him without it turning into a blow-up. He’s even threatened to kick me out of the house over small disagreements. I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

We have two kids, and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the last 10 years because that’s what he wanted. I finally started working again, against his wishes, and I’m trying to regain my independence.

My instinct is to move out first and then file for divorce, but friends keep warning me that leaving the family home could hurt me legally. I live in Iowa and could really use advice from anyone who’s been through something similar here.

I also don’t know how to afford a decent lawyer. He makes too much for me to qualify for legal aid, but I don’t have enough to pay full legal fees myself.

I just want to make sure I handle this the right way — safely, legally, and with a plan for a better future for me and my kids. Any advice or direction would mean a lot.