Baby passed - apprehensive of going back into work

About a week ago, I shared a post about a tragic situation at my nursery. One of my key children — a 14-month-old baby — passed away suddenly last week. From a brain infection - encephalitis .We were informed on the Friday, which was my last day before a week of leave.

I’ve been off all week but can’t stop thinking about him and his family. We’ve all been invited to the funeral next Saturday.

Now that it’s almost time to go back, I’m riddled with anxiety. I know that external agencies like LADO and Ofsted will likely be involved, but I’m worried about being called in for questioning. I was acting as the room lead that day, even though I’m an apprentice and told the manager it was too much for me — they dismissed my concerns. I even sent an anonymous email to Ofsted about ratios and other issues.

On his last day, he seemed fine — just trying to bite more than usual, but nothing that stood out. I keep replaying that day in my head, wondering if I missed something. I also feel guilty for worrying about myself when his parents have lost their child.

Has anyone been through something similar and knows what kind of procedures or support follow in these cases?

My manager and area manager haven’t offered any wellbeing support to the team, even to those who were in when I wasn’t. They’ve always been quite dismissive of staff, and I’m dreading what awaits when I return — especially seeing his pictures in the room again.