Once She Did
Her eyes were fluffy and red. Her head screamed— she was annoyed.
Wasn’t she the one who annoyed? Time changed. The one who annoyed others is now annoyed herself.
Wasn’t she scared of darkness? Now she believes in them. Once afraid, now loves the dark. She has replaced those souls, spirits. She doesn’t sleep— not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t.
Once, she used to feel everything too deeply. The rain, the words, the silence. Now she feels nothing— and that feels safe.
What was she scared of? Ghosts, darkness? How did she befriend them? She learnt. She changed.
Did she wish for it? No. The society, the circumstances made her do it.
She used to believe in people, in warmth, in forever. Now she doesn’t. It comforts her.
Does she love herself? She did. She would. But she isn’t sure anymore.
She’s broken? Broken, yeah. She’s broken— and she tries to heal others.
But how are you supposed to heal others when you’re broken yourself?
Her real self has disappeared, swapped for a stranger wearing her skin— a version that smiles when she’s supposed to, that laughs just enough to blend in.
Does she love the same things she did earlier? No. Her kid-self was comfort. But she’s a different person now.
Once she loved annoying— now she’s annoyed.
Once she cared— now she doesn’t, not until she’s attached.
Once she cried over everything, now she craves for it, crying discreetly into pillows.
Does she still imagine? Yeah, she does. But now her characters are tragic and depressed.
Is she happy? On the outside—yes. On the inside—no.
What changed her? Life. What threatened her? Life. What scared her? Humans.
Once, she was scared of ghosts and spirits. Now she is scared of humans.
Once she craved chaos, now she prefers silence.
But late at night, she remembers the girl she used to be. And it hurts, because she knows she can never be her again.
Once she hoped to grow up soon, now she cries in darkness—wide awake, waiting, searching for an answer.
Once she did. But now she doesn’t.
Posted Nov 1, 2025, 1:22 PM UTC