I don't know how to move forward.

Problem/Goal: I don't know how to move forward.

Context:

I'm an OFW. 28yo. A month before ako umuwi ng Pinas, a friend introduced me to someone. She's 24yo. Then we started talking online since nasa Pinas sya, nasa Europe ako. It was okay. Nothing serious. Kanchawan lang.

Paguwi ko we met kasama friend ko. This was last week. We had dinner and drinks. It was fun. Nalasing yung friend ko so we ended up talking habang tulog friend ko. And hindi namin napansin yung oras, 3hrs nang tulog yung friend ko.

Yung feeling na tangina parang matagal ko na syang kilala. She took her phone out, made selfies with me, leaned on my shoulder, kissed me on the cheek, etc. It got deeper for me. Hinatid ko sya sakanila medyo tipsy na rin sya. The whole car ride she was holding my hand. Right when I opened the door of the car, nung magkaharap kami she was pointing on her forehead signaling for me to kiss her on the forehead. Which I think I would have done anyways kahit di nya i-point out.

She is a party girl so the next day I sent her an event/party somewhere. Tapos sabi nya:

"Shet may plans dapat kami ng friends ko but it was cancelled just now tapos sinend mo to. You're a lifesaver." "Will you go diiiin?"

So sabi ko, if you are going, then yes, I'm going.

So we met up. We started walking around the area kasi di pa start yung party. Then she initiated to hold my hand. Then the rest of the night hinahatak nya yung kamay ko to put around her waist.

Party ended early and nabitin sila so nagyaya mag BGC, and so we went.

Party guy din ako so kaya ko makipagsabayan but she only started her party era nitong September. Ako nasa tito party era na ko na shimmy with a jacky coke while people watching. HAHAHAHA. But that night sinakyan ko lahat ng trip nya. I danced more with her in one night than all my other times dancing in bars combined.

The whole time hawak nya kamay ko, nilalagay nya sa waist nya. But she would talk to other men pa rin. In front of me. While holding my hand or my hand wrapped around her waist. I just thought to myself "okay, hindi naman kami so I'll let her have her fun."

To add, first time ko ma-meet yung friends nya and from first meeting akala ng friends nya boyfriend ako based on how we acted together. Her friends were even saying "ang understanding mo naman buti okay lang sayo yung ganyan na kung sino sino lumalapit at nilalapitan nya". I just smiled it off dahil ayoko namang tanggalan sya ng dignidad sa harap ng friends nya by saying "hindi naman kami".

Everyone ended up being too drunk. Her 2 friends booked their ride. Sabi ko "Wag ka na umuwi muna magagalit ate mo. Mag check-in nalang tayo. Tulog lang."

Her response was "Tulog??? Talaga lang ha??? Sa tingin mo kaya mo kontrolin sarili mo???".

Then I sad yes because I know for myself that I have pure intentions. At hindi ako lasing dahil gusto ko silang bantayan dun sa bar at hindi ako sumagad ng inom.

Her and I ended up checking in at a nearby motel kasi she was too drunk and ayokong pauwiin sya ng ganun dahil based sa mga kwento nya, her sister would freak out pag umuwi syang ganun. Pero walang nangyari. My intentions were pure. I even opted to sleep on the floor pero naalimpungatan sya and asked me na tabihan ko sya. Then we cuddled to the point na manhid na yung braso ko. When we woke up around 7 hours after, we ended up kissing in bed pero hanggang dun lang, I did not touch her anywhere too intimate dahil may hangover pa sya and I am not one to take advantage.

She showered, got dressed, I asked her to stay dahil gusto ko pang magusap kami. Usap lang. But it was her only day off at work and she had errands to do so hinatid ko na sya. Again with the forehead kiss.

After spending 2 days/nights with her, I confronted her about my intentions and that alam kong mahuhulog ako sakanya eventually.

I'm usually a good judge of character also due to the nature of my work, so after those 2 days, alam kong itong taong to, I would love to have in my life for as long as I can.

But now I can feel na iniiwasan nya ko. Since last na nagkasama kami, I've tried setting up dates but somehow may lakad sya lagi or what.

Also bakasyon lang to for me. Aalis din ako on December but I will be back by June of next year. She knows about this. To note, I plan on going back there but it's not necessary. I'm stable enough not to go back there. Going there was for me to get out of my comfort zone, not to earn money.

Hindi ko naman inexpect na mahuhulog ako. Hopeless romantic nga pala ako. 3yrs nang single so kalawang na.

Was it too fast? Was it too much? What should I do? May chance pa bang makabalik ako?

HEEEEELP