Help me understand pls

Hello all! I am a 35f and I am completely new to the world of poly/enm. I am trying to figure out really what I want and what it all means to be honest. I am having trouble finding reliable resources and as much as I love reading through Reddit posts, most of them are people who were in already established relationships that decided to open them up. However, this is not the case for me. I am single and it’s been 10 years since my last serious relationship. During this time I have had fwb occasionally and had two short relationships, one only lasting two months and the other eight. But I digress, I am coming into this as a serial monogamous but I’ve decided to try poly/enm because I have sat with it for a long time and taken into consideration that it would be a good opportunity for me to grow, to explore new sides to myself. I also keep finding that I have a hard time sustaining relationships due to the fact that I feel like my partners can’t fulfill me. There is always something missing, whether it’s the fun and goofy connections I so desire, the passionate and fulfilling sex I need, or the emotional maturity to make me feel safe, there is just always something missing for me. And I don’t know if that says more about me or if I am choosing this for the right reasons. I also think about the fact that I am very needy. I like a lot of attention and that seems to wear my partners out. So I thought maybe having multiple partners could spread out the emotional load for my partners while also giving me a sense of fulfillment.

TLDR- what were your reasons for starting this lifestyle? Can you point me to resources so that I can better educate myself? Can you give me advice/tips on just starting this as a single person? And in your opinion, am I entering this for the right reasons or do I just need therapy? lol TIA