I feel better when I call myself “ugly”

I don’t mean the title in a self deprecating way, just that I think I cared too much if I was cute. Which made it hard to actually feel cute?

//

Recently, I fell into a slight unhappy loop, as insecurity got to me.

Seeing 2 extra kg…. was rough.(I’m somewhat certain most of it went to my leg as I hope it’s just muscle and water?)

That plus, the fact I got curious enough to try a bikini. (Although, I don’t think it didn’t look bad.)

I just wasn’t very happy. As I think even through I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone. I was holding myself to a standard of attractiveness that just wasn’t fun… and it made me feel like being cute was something I had to work for…

So I’m done with that, I think i might still be not great, as calling myself “ugly” dosent sound great. But, I feel a lot better, as I logically know I don’t look “that bad”. And being ugly, for me means that I don’t care if a certain skirt looks good enough or if I’m a little bloated.

For now, I’m pretty happy with calling myself “ugly”. Atleast until my head sort itself straight, and I think more emotionally rational.