Even After All This Time, I Still Think of You

Hey Jasmine,

I still think of you. I miss you. So much. Of all the things I have done in my life, meeting you is the one I treasure most. Leaving you is the greatest regret I will ever carry. You will always be my sweetheart, my dove. I was a fool to let you go. Who meets a wife and walks away? Only me.

I am rambling again, but I miss you. Every now and then you would give me that look, the one that said you loved me without a word. It did not happen often, but when it did, I caught it, and it stayed with me.

If you ever feel guilty about not coming back to me, which I doubt because you were always strong, please do not. You did nothing wrong. You loved me with all your heart, and I saw it. I was not a good man at the time. I thought I knew God, but I did not. You cared for me deeply, and if you loved me, you truly loved me. I should not have waited five months to rekindle what we had. That was too long. It is true that I thought of you every day during those months, but I was afraid of what you might say. I should have had courage. I was too weak of a man and in a dark place spiritually. My spirit was not in communion with God then.

Yet even in that darkness, I know I still loved you. I remember how you would scratch the back of your head and say it gave you peace. You had a way of making every woman invisible, leaving only you in sight, whether I was in a crowded room or out in public. You made the world disappear. You gave life color, and I miss the colors that glowed because of your presence.

I have dated other women, and I even have a new girlfriend who is wonderful in her own way. But you are different. There are not enough words to describe how privileged I was to have met and been loved by you, and none to capture how rare and remarkable you are. I will truly love you forever.

I do not look you up on social media, so I do not know how you are doing, but I hope you are well. You were always strong and gentle at once. A damsel, yet strong.

Wherever life takes you, I hope it is filled with blessings, and that God pours your cup over. I hope you have found someone who cherishes you the way you deserve. And even though it is selfish of me to think this, I do wish that someone could be me again one day. If not, that is okay.

I won’t say goodbye. I’ll just say see you later, because I know I’ll always think of you. Even on my deathbed, I’m sure you’ll cross my mind, and I’ll smile remembering what we had. And in dreams, I’ll still get to say hello, in those small, brief moments when my soul remembers what the world forgot. So, see you later, my darling. My sweetheart. Mea columba.

Oh, and what would have been our third anniversary is coming up soon. November 17, if I am not mistaken. I will be going to Madeira Beach that evening with a drink and a cigar. I will probably get the same pizza we shared right before we got in the car and left, when you told me you loved me, and it was love at first sight. It will be nice.

Loving you always, just from a distance.

– Peter.

P.S, Ray Frazier - Walking With My Baby and Spandau Ballet - True, still remains my favorites. These songs always make me think of you.