How to find and keep more ride or dies?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about ride-or-die friendships, the type of loyalty where someone shows up for you even when it’s messy, inconvenient, or technically “not allowed.” I keep noticing the difference between friends who stick by you through anything, and friends who clock out the second a situation becomes uncomfortable or morally gray.

A mild example: in my grad program, there’s a class where attendance is everything. Some students sign each other in when someone can’t make it. knowing it could get them in trouble, yet choosing friendship first. I know at least 4 people who will do this for me and has. That’s loyalty. Meanwhile, there are a few people I know who suddenly “miss the text,” or send someone else to help so they can keep their hands clean, or even hit you with a lecture about morals. I’m starting to realize maybe these are my… school friends. They’ll chat with you, but they won’t save you. They’re not sneaking you out the back door if you ever (hypothetically!) need someone to bail you out of jail.

I promise I’m not describing my situation in the next example, it’s about someone else…but there’s the bigger stuff, like people who cut off a friend entirely because they made a mistake, like cheating in their relationship. Holding someone accountable is fair. But abandoning them? That feels different. If a friend messes up not to you but in their own life, does that really erase every part of who they are? I always thought being a friend meant you don’t leave when someone is at their lowest or most flawed.

I’m not saying loyalty means enabling harm or ignoring consequences. But to me, “ride-or-die” means you stick by someone’s side while they face those consequences. You help them confront their wrongs, not walk away and judge from a distance.

If I’m being honest, I’m actually jealous of the people who have friends that enable their bs behavior not because they are scared of them but because they really care about that person.

So I guess my question is: Where do you find the friends who don’t disappear when things get complicated? Where are the ones who choose friendship even when it’s not easy? Where are the ride-or-dies?