Broke up with my bf today

Hi Reddit,

I broke up with my bf this morning, and I am now having mixed feelings. I was with him for almost 4 years and had been friends for 6. I met him when I was 18, so he naturally became a massive part of my identity. I love him so so much, and the good times were so good. Honestly, the good times feel like they are most of the time. But when there is conflict, things always seem to get unhealthy and ugly, with inconsistent reactions and hours of fighting before conceding for the sake of "resolution". I have developed a lot of hurt that hangs in my heart, and no matter how much time passes, I cannot seem to heal from it. The worst part is, I just feel so pathetic because the arguments are always over the stupidest things ever, yet they are so intense. It also became harder to sleep with him, which I have been trying to work on, but he would bring it up (the lack), and it would make me feel so guilty about it, making me feel like I needed to sleep with him (he would not tell me to, this is just how I would feel from this), making me not desire it even more. I told him he needs to trust me and stop complaining to me about it (since it does more harm than good), but he would always end up bringing it up again. Anyway, that problem has made him insecure in himself, and now his newfound insecurity is causing more fights. For example, I told him that his new products he bought made him smell really good and made me want to give him lots of kisses. This made him feel bad about himself because he feels like he is not good enough now without the products. I had the explain to him for like an hour that it ofc I love him, stuff like hygiene products is just a cherry on top. This has just become exhausting.

The issue is, I am so deeply attached to him and love him so much. He was my first love, first everything. I also moved across the country with him. And he is super sweet and loving. So I can't decide if I made the right choice. I feel like I cut off a part of myself, and I can't imagine my future without him in it. How can you tell if breaking up was the right move?

I am also in school right now, in an exam season, and I was never really able to make friends at my university. I was wondering how y'all have coped with something like this and have gotten your responsibilities done, because I am struggling.

I do need to mention that I have not been perfect in this either. I have also yelled, been emotionally immature, etc. I want to grow, but don't know how.

Thanks for reading my post and for any advice!