My wife feels hopeless because of her BPD and thinks our relationship can’t last

My wife has been talking lately about not seeing our relationship lasting long-term. She’s terrified that one day she’ll have a huge emotional explosion that will destroy us — and that I’ll become vengeful or hate her because of it.

She feels broken because of her BPD and believes there isn’t much hope for her. In her mind, the only help available would just numb her or “put her in a box.” So she doesn’t think treatment would actually help her live a real, fulfilling life.

She says she’s exhausted from constantly watching and controlling herself. She feels misunderstood and believes no one — not even me — will ever truly understand what it’s like to be in her head.

She also says we’re lacking emotional intimacy and passion right now, and that rebuilding those things feels almost impossible because of how hard she’s struggling with her disorder.

I want to support her and I love her deeply, but I’m scared and unsure how to help. Has anyone been through something like this — either with BPD themselves or as the partner? How do you hold on to hope when your loved one can’t see any?