11.1.25 - To Myself

I lay here in bed, it's Saturday afternoon, and I'm thinking about everything and nothing at once.

I love being here but I despise it. It feels like a place of residency but not home. No where is truly home. Someone is home. I ache to go home.

I never thought I would make it this far in all honesty. I'm not sure if I should thank you or scorn you for that. I didn't think I would be alive right now. I didn't think I would make it last high school. I thought that was the end of it. Turns out I was wrong.

There's an ache somewhere in me, it doesn't hurt, it just sits and festers, and on days like these I feel it all too well. It's such a painful discord. Yet there is no pain, it's more of a hollow ache.

You'll get through it. I know you will. You always do, whether you like it or not.

Sincerely, You