Check in or no contact?

TL;DR: Hi from Italy! I (35F) had a short LDR “almost relationship” with a 26F who isn’t ready.. avoidant? (ex in the background.. (only happy birthday messages actually) closeted at home, job instability). We briefly “ended” in late Sept; 5 days later I broke NC with a playful message “from my dog,” she was happy I reached out, we met again… and she still said she wasn’t ready (“FOR NOW it’s better not to be in touch”). Since then she views my stories fast and likes, but takes no concrete steps. Should I send one neutral “how are you / work updates?” in mid/late Nov, or go full no contact?

Background: • I’m 35F, came out years ago; ended a 7-year relationship (4 years marriage) last year. • She’s 26F, lives 2 hours away (different regions), hasn’t come out to family, was left by her ex 1.5/2 years ago. She once said if they met again “something might happen, i wouldn’t stop it”, • Job: her fixed-term contract just ended; unsure what’s next. • I’m anxious-leaning but self-aware; quiet lifestyle (dog, nature), want someone who adds to my life.

What happened: • We met twice; I initiated. She was tender and even cried. • End of Sept we “broke it off.” After 5 days, I messaged again fron my dog point of view and She seemed genuinely happy, we met a second time, chemistry was there… but she repeated she wasn’t ready and staying in contact now would become “toxic.” • Final: she cried, cuddled me, and said: “for the moment it’s better this way.” I said: “I won’t reach out; if things change, you know where to find me.” Even if i know that even if she really wanted, she wouldn’t.

Since then: • She views my IG stories within minutes, even the dog’s account, and often likes my dog/nature/me posts very quickly. • No DMs, no proposals to talk/meet. • I’ve noticed she also likes heartbreak/quote posts that likely relate to her ex, i guess.

My dilemma now: • Plan = one neutral check-in mid/late Nov (about a month after the job ended): “How are you? Any work updates?” Then stop. • Part of me thinks don’t message at all: breaking NC in Sept brought her back emotionally but didn’t change her availability. I don’t want to be her “validation fix.”

Questions: 1. Given this pattern (tender → “not ready” → spectator mode on IG), is one neutral check-in reasonable, or is strict no contact healthier? (I know) 2. Do story views/quick likes mean anything beyond nostalgia/avoidance unless paired with words + actions? 3. Did breaking NC once (via my dog) teach her that I’ll restart contact? 4. If I send the check-in and get “I’m fine, no updates, you?”what’s the clean, boundary-respecting exit line?

What I’m inclined to do (open to feedback): • If I feel calm by mid/late Nov, send one neutral text. If she’s short/silent → accept the data, mute everything for 30 days, and move on. • If she’s warm but vague → no chasing; I’ll require clear steps (a short call or coffee). • If nothing changes → full NC. Compatibility includes availability.

Thanks for reading, chatgpt helped me with the recap🤣 I’m not trying to “win” her, just to choose the healthiest next step for me (which i know would be full NC, but i’m kinda antisocial and finding a person i liked in many ways and so compatible with me and not having a chance to try and see where we could be going is messing with my brain🥲)