The hardest decision of my life… 24M & 23F

My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) have been together for over two years. She stayed with me through cancer, when I was weak, bald, bare confidence, body broken. She helped me film uni projects, bought me mics for my creative work, I bought her a MacBook and she’s never left my side when most people would’ve.

But this year changed everything. She found out I’d been looking at other women online in a sexual way, and that broke her. She stayed, but that trust, spark, emotional connection slowly began to fade in and out. We’ve had so many breaking points this year that I’ve lost count. Moments where either of us could’ve pulled the plug, but we chose to hold on, even when it hurt to do so.

She’s had her own struggles. Near the start of our relationship her father passed 8 months prior, she’s gained around 30kg since, hasn’t held a job, dropped out of two degrees and doesn’t really have any real friends besides me. She spends a lot of time online, scrolling, playing games. I’ve tried to push her to get out, move, grow and lately, she’s finally started turning a corner with a gym membership, and a new blog writing job, which I’m genuinely proud of her for. But I can’t ignore that I’ve been sprinting while she’s been slowly moving.

I’ve gone through remission, rebuilt my body, my mind, my goals. I’m graduating Uni this month. I feel stronger, clearer, more alive than ever. But the relationship feels heavy now, like we’re dragging a love that once burned bright but doesn’t know how to breathe anymore.

My family doesn’t help either my mum and sister don’t really get along with her at all, and to be fair my sister is a complete narcissist.

I can’t ignore these thoughts in my mind and in my chest telling me that this girl isn’t the one, we’ve had a passionate love that burned bright but I feel like we’ve grown apart compatibility wise now. I can’t see myself marrying this girl unless she changes.

I plan to stay until after her upcoming polyp removal surgery. I don’t want to leave her when she’s vulnerable. But after that… I think it’s time to walk away.

Has anyone been here before? I want to stay but I feel like I’m here for the potential. I’m just super unsure about everything. I don’t doubt her love, I doubt whether her and I are going to work.