Why is women's romance so abusive?

Now I don't read many romance novels but I used to read manga, in particular romance and sometimes smut and a pattern I noticed a lot is that there is always some level of abuse and straight up rape and the male lead is an entitled arrogant asshole. I heard novels also have this pattern. The thing is that when I was 16 years old and read that thing, I took it as normal and it even made sense. Why was my brain so fucked up already? Who is writing these stories and why are women's romance stories like this ? Ps. Side note: hentais make me vomit with how much depravation and abuse of the woman they have in it