Am I really a “kokorat”?

Originally written in French on October 27, 2025

I have just broken my resolution not to watch pornography. This is not a good thing. I consume homosexual pornography. I was exposed to this category of pornography at school, through a boy who is surely gay. Since then, this habit has only been destroying my life. That boy indirectly ruined my life. He took from me everything that had value for me. This makes me think about the fact that I may be a kokorat, a label that I noticed has been attached to me. Am I really what they say I am: a worthless person, a nobody? Maybe that is the case. Maybe that is the way God sees me. Because, from what I have noticed, God has not honored me by answering my prayers. I have prayed to God concerning my needs, my honor. He has not taken care of those. I have been tossed here and there by the wind of contempt. I really cannot say whether God has, in any way, watched over my dignity. Because what I have lived through, as I have noticed, had the purpose of diminishing me. And truly, I have been diminished. So, I have complete certainty that God sees me as a nobody, almost in the same way that my detractors have taken pleasure in judging me. God does not care about my dignity. I can affirm this because, despite my efforts, my dignity has not been preserved. And I was counting on God for that. So, for God, I am nothing but a nobody, a kokorat. My struggle has been in vain. I thought that being human gave me rights. But that is really not the case. What I believed to be fair has been nothing but a simple joke. Reality is brutal.

I therefore conclude that my hope is not found in God but in my resilience in the face of my experiences, my shame. Yes. I believe in the future. Not in God. I believe in the strength of the turning of things. I think that is greater than God Himself.

Note: “Kokorat” is a Haitian Creole slang term. It originally referred to a small creature (a woodlouse or pill bug) but has taken on a social and derogatory meaning: it’s used to describe people seen as destitute, marginalized, or low-class (such as street children or informal waste-pickers). It conveys both poverty and social rejection — someone without power, dignity, or standing in society. The term can also be used metaphorically to describe something done poorly or considered “cheap” or “worthless.”

References: • Actualités Enfants d’Haïti – “Kokorat (Cocorat)” • Haiti Nation – Google Groups discussion on “kokorat”

English translation provided by ChatGPT (GPT-5).