still dont know if i was groomed

this never got to like, textbook sexual assault, because by happenstance i someone about it before it did, but it was ramping up towards the end my therapist says i was groomed, my boyfriend says i was groomed, but like any validation i get like there are doubts flooding me because what if these people are biased towards me

basically i was pretty vulnerable at the time because i wasnt on medication yet, and i have the kind of anxiety that causes me to constantly cry without lexapro my professor had noticed this and started to treat me like a father essentially, i think he like tapped my back during class, he would ask me to give him my hands during office hours and he would start massaging them while i was crying and like at first i would typically like try to be like “oh no you dont have to take my hands” but he would just be like “give them to me” in like a playful but direct way he told me that like my clothes complimented my skin tone and like it got to the point where like he would ask for hugs and like i only did these things because i thought that he was just being kind to me he was also talking about how he was in the military, and based on the men he saw in the military he kept saying that i would want to date a military person even though i kept telling him that i had a boyfriend that i really really loved he would just be like “well anyways youd want to bring one home to your parents” and like and like during office hours i am NOT THERE TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS i wanted to talk about the material in class that i wasnt understanding but he would always divert the conversation to something more personal, being like “well how do you feel right now” and looking back im sure he knew that just saying that would make me cry bc i was unmedicated and it was a pattern he mustve noticed during lab i ask a question and hes just like “i am so glad youre here right now” and told the other T.As not to worry about me and that he would help me and then he made me hold his hands again and like i think the last time i met with him he told me to do a breathing exercise where he essentially just blew air in my face then asked me to hug him then told me he loved me repeatedly like idk writing it out it sounds bad but like i know that other people have gone through way worse and just like idkidk thanks if youve read this far i literally hate even thinking about this lol