How do I relieve tension after avoiding my whole family after a toxic breakup with my ex.?

‼️T.W. ‼️ S.A & S.H

So I (21F) have not seen ANY of my family since July 26th 2025, INCLUDING MY OWN SON.!! I was living with my boyfriend at the time (32M), and split nights that my son spent at his grandparents as they assisted with childcare so I could work, seek therapy etc. My boyfriend and I were having some problems mostly in the sexual department as our needs were not inline; we were exploring options that better worked for us such as an open relationship. He could go out and sleep with whoever he’d like and vice versa. To make 3 months of issues short he only slept with 1 larger girl (I am quite petite) and that was my fault.. the relationship started getting to a point of constant yelling or clear avoiding, which escalated to physicalities sexual and non, finally to the police being involved.. after the police were involved we hit a quiet point for about two weeks where I was in constant self isolation as was he.. The straw that broke the camels back was he heard from one of my open flings whom earlier in time had decided to befriend, he couldn’t handle the fact that I could get a roster of people interested in me and he couldn’t. He pushed all limits of adding trauma such as sexual assault for 5 consecutive hours even with struggling, trying to constantly escape, and the classic “I can’t do anything but fetal position and tense”.. after this horror show occurred he threw my purse and shoes into our buildings hallway and then myself. I only had shorts he had put back on me and a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I found my car keys and retreated to my car as a safe place to try and process the previous 7 hours that had occurred. While i had only been sitting in my car for a minute he came to where I always parked with any and all knives, exacto knives, razor blades to shove through the window at me while basically cheering me on to self harm, saying it wasn’t deep enough or that there wasn’t enough of them in general. From there he left after watching and cheering for about 5 minutes.. I thought my hell was over but it was just beginning. I collect what I can from my vehicle into my purse, find an extra shirt in my trunk and leave with just my handbag of items. He blows up my parents phones with lies and drama about me.. a little side note, I had recently lost my job and have really been struggling with self so have been unable to work and he knew that, my parents did not as they’re controlling enough in my life and I’m an adult; they don’t NEED to know. My Ex decided to tell my Mother (the narcissist, puppeteer, controller of all and commander of double edge swords) that I was not currently working. This blew up and over that simple statement my mother decided I was not worthy of being apart of the family. She demanded that I give her the car that I paid insurance and fuel for.. I did because I knew she never signed it over to me like she said she would’ve, she admitted it when it all blew up. She called the police to make sure she could get her car. The night it all happened (this series of events started around 1:30am) thankfully my son was sleeping over at my parents house; unthankfully because my mother had always view me as the black sheep, unwanted child, a problem, “walking red flag”. - her words; I have not seen my own son since the night I dropped him off. I was messaged by my mother a day after she collected her car (July 28th) basically saying I should change my whole being to fit within her box to be welcome back into her family and onto her property. My father sent something similar but less aggressive as he’s one of the few members of my family that actually treated me somewhat like I was wanted. (He usually asked me for hugs bc my mum didn’t do that, she wouldn’t even hug me just my brother).

I never replied to the messages. August came and went with only one message from my mother demanding money for debts I didn’t know about but apparently she tracked everything she’s every spent on me and if I’m not family then I owe her for it. A week after the message came and I didn’t reply my phone number was cut off. I was still under my mother’s account and had totally forgotten for three weeks as my number was still active.. she cut it off, I got a new one no big deal.

Fast forward to end of August, my son’s birthday is September 5th and the last week of August I got him some gifts, a cake, made him a card and even thrifted his Halloween costume.. I got everything all wrapped up and my consistent help gave me a ride to my parents house around 11pm. Their house backs into a wooded unoccupied property with a pull off on the other side. We parked at the pull off and trudged through thick brambles, tall grass and tree branches for 20 minutes until we were met with the clearing of the field at the back of the property. For better context there are multiple dwellings situated on the property. My brother, sister in law, niece are in a dwelling, my second cousin is next door to them at the back of the property before the field. My great grandparents had a large house moderately central on the property and my parents house was at the front of the property closest to the other neighbours and the street they’d drive to get home. I made my way in the darkness around then through the field and used the passcode to unlock my great grandparents basement door.. this is where I left a cake for my sons birthday. (There was a note in the card about it). That was the easy part, after that I made my way across the yard to my parents front porch, I snuck up and delivered a bag with gifts for my sons birthday as well as my fathers and brothers (there all a few days apart).

I was not welcome to my own son’s 3rd birthday but my mother invited my Ex. Please note that this Ex is not my son’s father as his bio father has been out of the picture pretty well his whole life. I heard through the grapevine that my mother was livid that I did not show up for my son’s 3rd birthday but dropped off gifts and cake. Even though if you remember she messaged me not to resolve or understand and of the situation but to collect things from me and cut me out for not fitting in her mould of a worth daughter.

I had done a similar gift drop with my mothers parents that live 2 hours away and was met a day later by an email from my grandpa who basically said I’m welcome in their life and they do not spy for my mother. My current consistent help called them on my behalf whilst I listened quietly and it seemed to go well but now there’s so much tension and the constant stress and anxiety of the whole situation. How do I reach back out to my grandparents.? Should I even allow myself to trust them.? I just miss my son and I am doing everything in my power to establish a solid home for him without the constant overcast and stress of my mother if she’ll even give him back.. this has felt like a hostage situation with my son in the middle.