I found out today that my whole life was a lie

I believed that it was my mom causing the wreckage to the family. I believed it was her who ruined us, stole from my dad his money and rights. I believed all the stories all of my siblings and mother told me, and hid from me as well. She was such an angel, and I only found it out today at age 30.

I feel cheated. My dad cheated on my mom constantly for years. He slept with 70-80 women within 5ish year range. He cheated with her best friend, whom ate with us. I remember her as a kid, such a beautiful woman. I remember her one day disappearing and never returning. It was the day my mom found out he had a relationship with her while being married to my mom.

My dad had sex with my neighbours of all floors literally in the building while being married to my mom. I've known all of it and forgot, I just never had it coming to mind. I was so brain washed against my mom for two decades, and she told me that she allowed me to hate her so that I will have a life and grow, and not lose myself.

My dad abused my mom, he hurt her, he did detestable things as cheating on her throughout their entire marriage and he was her first love, first bf. She loved him with all of her heart, and he kept cheating. Women approached my mom for years after and told her all the stories, letters written by my dad to his other gfs. He apparently had multiple.

I feel cheated. I feel like.. my dad used to be my hero. He ruined my life and abused me up until age 27, mentally. Yes. He's been there for me through it all, but through it all he abused and I don't even want to tell you what he did and told me to do etc etc. So he's the reason it was caused, and then he "repaired" it while stealing my 20's on healing and such.

I'd praise him for years, how great of a father he is. To people, share his knowledge, life lessons. Today was the time under the skies for me to finally realize who my dad really is. I knew I had an unknown half brother, and some of those stories I forgot I heard as a kid and two lovers of my dad calling us telling us a,b,c details and my brother and I didn't want to believe it's true and he swore me to never mention it again, until this day.

I know it all to be true and the reason to how isn't important more than I finally connected many dots. I've pretended to be stupid and innocent not knowing many of those because I wanted to know if both sides align. My siblings told me the truth, and showed me some texts written by my dad a decade ago as well on their emails etc.

My mom, was a pure-hearted angel girl. What a fabulous woman she is. She cried and said she wished she'd have told me earlier so that we'd not lose a decade of no contact because of my dad. She showed me a letter one of many he wrote to her, begging for forgiveness 5 years ago and I just.. I just don't know this day it was 12h with my family minus my dad. I don't, there's so much to say. Where do I begin? Who do I talk to about this? My life was a lie. My dad is the most vile man I've ever met in person. I know there are way worse, but I feel cheated. I'm looking at his filthy hands, knowing he's ruined my mom's life, mine and my siblings. All the stories of his heroic deeds saving the family.. my mom silently suffered knowing had I known I'd not make it through so she waited for me to finally grow and be mentally stable with I thankfully am at this point of my life, to tell me.

I don't know.. I wish.. I don't know what to do say or think anymore. My life was a lie. I.. I'm living with the worst person I've ever met.