I need help and advice

My mom (55) has always been a believer. She took me to church when I was little and I always hated going. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last December and had 2 surgeries and 6 months of chemo. It just kept growing and spreading. She has hundreds of tumors in her abdomen and lungs, one is collapsing her left lower lobe of her lung. I'm not a believer. I don't think that it's impossible, I just don't think that it's likely and I am a person who needs proof. I like all religions, I enjoy learning about them and I respect everyone's religion, I just don't personally believe in anything. Anyways, this last hospital visit right before she went into hospice I had a chaplain come in because she wanted "last rites" she's not Catholic but that's what she said she wanted. The chaplain prayed with her and then the next day I called the chaplain again and it was a different guy who was a Catholic priest and I guess he did give her last rites or a blessing or something. I just don't know how people can have such strong beliefs when stuff like this happens. Kids die, good people die for no reason. My mom never smoked, didn't drink hardly ever, is a kind person, believes in God. She told the chaplain that she felt like she failed because I don't believe and that broke my heart. I told her it's not her fault I dont believe. She did everything she could to show me the way, it's just not what I felt was right. And through all of this I did pray. I tried so hard. I begged for him to take me instead. Give me the pain just don't let it be her and it didn't work. None of it worked. Now I sit by her hospice bed watching her dying and in pain anytime she's awake. She's confused and can barely talk. It's not fair. Idk what I need I just want to know that there is something else and that I'll be with her again becusse I don't feel like I can do this life without her.