Please tell me what I'm supposed to do

I'm in my 20s and have some mental health problems. My only desire in life right now is to learn animation, create a masterpiece, show it to my family, get a ton of praise for it and finally be happy. This is an irrational thought process, I recognise that, but it remains my sole objective. I'm going to through this bit by bit, highlighting my thought processes and reasons for wanting to do this, so you reading this can, if at all possible, help me figure out what to do.

Why do this?

I discovered creative writing as a kid and fell in love with it. It was the only thing I was "good" at. It was my special interest. I wrote nearly every day, about characters and locations and events. I adored writing. Unfortunately, no one in my family or friend group shared my enthusiasm. I was alone in my love of writing. It wasn't just that no one shared my love for the craft, but also that no one wanted to read them. It was hurtful, growing up with the one thing you're good at, the one thing you've let define you, is of such little interest to those you care about that they won't read even a 9 page heap of crap, not even to lie to you and tell you its good.

I carried this understanding that my stories were bad for years. I still loved them, but often had episodes of hating them and wanting to destroy them all. I disliked myself, so my opinion on my own work was moot. It needed to be validated by another. Eventually, I ended up meeting an art tutor who offered to help me draw one of my characters. Immediately, I had found the answer. "Of course!", I thought, "I'll DRAW my ideas!" I had bought into the assumption that my stories were utter slogs, so unappealing that no sane person would ever read them, so I thought that if I drew my ideas instead, it would be easier for my family to consume them and praise me for my creations.

That eventually led to animation. Despite some vestigial love for the medium, I wasn't going to animate because I liked animation. It was to get their praise at last. I'd make something so amazing, so astounding that they would be left speechless. And, once I had finally gotten fulfillment from their adoration, I could finally stop and be happy.

What's the problem?

The problem is that I can't animate, or draw for that matter. I possess no artistic ability. My art tutor had left partway through my lessons due to medical reasons, so I was left with the idea to draw without any of the ability.

To put it simply, the idea of drawing exhausts me. I find it tedious, boring and frustrating. I struggle with failure, and practice is literally just failing again and again, so I do not want to practice drawing at all. I have ADHD, which isn't the reason I can't do this, but it does make the tedium even harder to cope with. Watching tutorials only seems to depress me, as the moment I lose track or can't reproduce what the professional artist produced, I fly off the handle. Not to mention that, for some reason, I see "drawing for fun" as a waste of time. I've drawn some good enough things for fun, but they "don't count". Only something productive counts. Only something that makes me a better artist counts.

What did you do?

My plan was simple. There had to be a reason why I found drawing so frustrating. So, the logical step was to find out what was holding me back, fix it, and then I could do it no problem. ADHD was the first stop, but getting medicated for it didn't make it any easier to set up my drawing tablet, so that went out the window. There was C-PTSD, but I gave up on that after realising just how much time I'd have to spend in therapy to cope with it. Then came OCD, BPD, NPD, Puer Aeturnus Complex and Perfectionism.

I spent literal months of my life, looking into these disorders, trying to find one that matched with me so I could finally fix myself. Nothing came of it. I ended up burning out for the first time in my life. I was completely exhausted. Not that the burnout stopped my search, it only delayed it. I kept searching, kept looking for the answer, because there had to be answer for why I couldn't do this. There had to be.

So that's it. That's my story. A man so desperate for approval that he's trying to make a masterpiece just to wow his family and make him like himself. This whole post has felt masturbatory, but I wrote all of this out to give you as much context as possible. I need help. I do not know how to fix this. I've been attending therapy for over a year and nothing has changed. I want so badly to make my family proud of me, to dispel all of the feelings I have toward myself and finally be able to accept myself. For whatever reason, I just cannot bring myself to learn animation, no matter how badly I need to.

I am desperate. My entire life is on pause. This is the only thing in the world that matters to me. This is what I must do. I've tried to push through, to knuckle down and try my best, but it never worked. I just got overwhelmed. I've tried to let it go, to abandon this barmy plot for approval and just be myself, but that's unacceptable. I always come back to it eventually.

I just need help. Can someone please explain why I'm like this? Can I get some explanation or insight into this issue? Is there a name for this kind of thing? Is there any way to fix it? Please, anything at all is appreciated.